sábado, 4 de diciembre de 2010

"The Freddy Mercury Paradox"

In loving memory, Freddy Mercury  (1946-1991), contrary to popular belief, he did not die of AIDS, his body was consumed by pure raw epic power.

jueves, 3 de junio de 2010

...on "top 5 lists"...

Post dedicated to the old school internet stalkers and their research, keep on stalkin'...

"Top 5 most influencial graphic artists on my work/lifestyle"

5. Jim Davis - Garfield

4. Bill Watterson - Calvin and Hobbes

3. Salvador Dali 

2. Yoshitaka Amano

1. Dave McKean

"Top 5 most influencial/favorite book/series (graphic/illustrate category)"

5. Fables - Willingham/Medina

4. Garfield "Campeón" - Jim Davis

3. Superman: Birthright - Waid/Yu

2. The Crow - James O'Barr

1. Arkham Asylum - Grant Morrison/Dave McKean

"Top 5 most influencial/favorite books (non-illustrated category)"

5. Great short stories - Mark Twain

4. High Fidelity - Nick Hornby

3. Fahreinheit 451 - Ray Bradbury

2. "The Dark Tower" Series - Stephen King

1. Peter Pan - J.M. Barrie

"Top 5 favorite/most influencial music Lp's"*

5. "Yui" - Childs

4. "Music for a Darkened Theather" - Danny Elfman

3. "The Dark Side of the Moon" - Pink Floyd

2. "Purple" - Stone Temple Pilots

1. "Achtung Baby!" - U2

*From which my top 5 fav songs"

5. "Ian P" - Childs

4. "Edward Scissorhands theme" - Danny Elfman

3. "Comforably Numb" - Pink Floyd

2. "Interstate love song and/or Big Empty" - Stone Temple Pilots

1. "One" - U2

"Top 5 All time favorite Movies (Live Action)"

5. Mirrormask

4. Great Expectations

3. The Dark Knight

2. The Big Fish

1. Hook

"Top 5 All time favorite Movies/Series (Animated)"

5. Vampire Hunder D: Bloodlust

4. Robotech (The original Macross Saga)

3. Final Fantasy: Advent Children

2. Unico in the Island of Fantasy

1. Fooley Cooley

Top 5 heroes (fictional):

5. Eric Draven - The Crow

4. Edward Bloom

3. Darth Vader

2. Batman

1. Superman

Top 5 heroes/role models  (living or dead)

5. Afro-ninja

4. Mark Twain

3. J.M Barrie

2. H. Bogart

1. Bob Dylan


"Top 5, all-time favorite babes (existing ones)"

5. Tina Fey

4. Jennifer Connolly

3. Kate Beckinsdale

2. Rachel Welch

1. Sophia Loren

"Top 5 Artists, not that influencial, but i'm really into right now (graphic arts category)"

5. Bruce Timm

4. Ed Mcguiness

3. Andy Kubert

2. Charles Glaubitz

1. Ragnar

*feel free to ask any new categories.

miércoles, 2 de junio de 2010

"the suit paradox" by roberto gutiERREZ...

Errez: ejem...

"the suit paradox" by roberto gutiERREZ...

*clears throat... friends wedding in 3 months...I only own 1 suit...doesn't quite fit anymore, "The suit paradox: to cheap to buy a new one...too lazy to get in shape..."

3 months, just right about enought time to either get in better shape, loose some weight...also just enough time to save up some money to buy a new suit...

Lerms: get in shape = could save on food but money saved, will be spent on other stuff, since suit will not be a problem then again save for suit = less money for food so, buy a suit, you'll lose weight, rendering new suit useless

Errez: see the paradox ?

Lerms: pro: losing weight = save money AND make you look prettier for girls, EVEN prettier i mean...so, higher chances of scoring at wedding at no additional cost of suit

Errez: Assuming, girls actually talk to me, but then my "charming personality" could render the "getting in shape" thing all together... creating a whole new other paradox ...

..complete silence....

*insert opening credits...

martes, 25 de mayo de 2010

...on mixed tapes and playlists, in hi-fi...

"The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don't wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules"  - Rob Gordon, High Fidelity

It saddens me to think that the fine art of making mixed tapes is now obsolete, replaced by .mp3 playlists to be burned on a CD in 20 seconds, or just dragged and dropped on to an iPod...and I don't mean the technological aspect of the matter but the emotional dedication that goes into making "the perfect mixed tape" for a certain occasion/person/road trip.

1) The "theme": 

From the basic "best all time rock songs" (...a classic rookie move, yet effective), the stereotypical "songs that remind me of you" (to be given to that special high school girlfriend as a romantic act...and to be used a couple of months later to bitch and wine in the privacy of your bedroom), the garage band mix (cover songs to be learned by rehearsal time with your rock band, real one, not the playstation game)...and to the more advanced "best b-side track 2 songs by british bands between 1975-1985)".

2) The selection: 

First of all, technical specifications for our younger readers, you have to take into account, cassette tapes usually had a 60 min. capacity... 100 min. if you forked out an extra buck for each blank tape, so you had to organize your song list to two smaller 30 min. groups.

Secondly, the playlist and order of the songs...many questions would arise,  Will you start with a "BANG" to get attention, then alternate with something more subtle ?...or will you start off slow, and gradually take the tempo up ?... will the message get across to the audience (the audience being yourself, someone else or a group of people) basically you're asking yourself...is this mixed tape for love making or for dirty nasty sex ?

Being limited by time constraints forces you to give each song a specific emotional reason for being chosen.

3) Getting the songs:

That's right... getting the actual songs, because back in my day (*shivers) you either had to buy albums ( CD's, cassettes or vinyls), know somebody who owned a good collection,  borrow/trade, etc., and you had to get the original album, for the moment when you recorded the mixed tape (recording from another recorded tape meant lower music quality), yup, i lived in an era when you would tape complete albums to a cassette when someone you knew gathered enough money to buy one, but for a mixed tape you needed that actual album.

This also meant situations where you would have to resort to favors in order to get an album loaned (*see washing your uncles car to get a hold of his Led Zeppelin IV copy, or "the Dark Side of the Moon" or getting some beer for a friends older brother in order to get a hold of his CD collection for an hour).

4) The recording:

Actually getting a decent tape deck to record was an adventure in itself, in my case i had to schedule recording sessions at a friends house (his dad had a kick ass deck), so we would have to wait for the parents to go out on saturday night, smuggle some beer and record. It would be a couple of years 'till i got a decent sound system.

The important thing about this part, is that you actually had to listen to the complete songs when recording, you wouldn't just make the playlist and press "burn cd", this would mean each song had it's own moment to savor it, you would talk about what the song meant, and why it was ordered in that place in the playlist. If the song reminded you of a place in time, you would remember it that much better, and if you where makin' a track list for your band, this would be the moment you would be defining your musical direction.

And you had to be really, really, really careful to press the "pause" button at the moment the song ends, if you pressed "Stop" you would get this awful "CRANK!!" recorded on your mixed tape.

5) The Artwork:

This usually happened at the same time as the recording, usually pen or sharpy art... 

6) Enjoy/delivery

You would get a blank tape, for the same price you buy about 10 blank CD's today, so you would have to be very picky about your mixed tape's final destination.

Be it your car, make sure your selection meant "cool enough for your stupid friends, but also chick friendly" (remember high-school folks, don't be hatin')...with time and money you would amass to a large number of mixed tapes in your car "songs I like to listen while speedin".

Girls: wasn't it great to get a mysterious tape handed to you ?...you would have to listen to the entire thing and each track would be a surprise...there is something very unpersonal about the "getting track list" when you insert a burned CD in the computer. (besides, cd's don't really hurt when you throw them at somebody, at least tapes had a much better dramatic use).

In conclusion, I just think that the love that went into each mixed tape, made you appreciate your music collection that much more and gave each song a meaning in time,

there weren't any music downloads, so when you would get a good record, and i mean a really, really good "new to you record" or records, you would run to share it with some people...not just e-mail it.

Or maybe i just miss, sitting around the tape deck on a weekend afternoon, drinking smuggled beer and talking about music, like we knew everything there is to know about it.

Screw this i'm gonna go watch "High Fidelity" and hopefully fall asleep...

Artists rendition of the author at age 16, grunge was in full bloom, and a hot chick asked him if she could paint his nails black

Questions? opinions ? feel free to discuss them at the bar with some Jack Daniels...

jueves, 29 de abril de 2010

"The Great Southern Colonies Flood"

From the "Great Nerdonian Royal Hall of Historic Records, Graphic Novels and Comic Books 

"The Great Southern Colonies Flood"

Every April 29th. Nerdonians celebrate "The Great Southern Colonies Flood", a National Holiday, that is to be taken very seriously, for on this day the settlers of the oldest colony of Nerdonia woke up to discover that the water damn holding the water reserves of the village had been destroyed, flooding the entire community, and almost destroying many of they're most cherished belongins.

...But may the records show the words "Almost destroyed", if it weren't for the valiant and quick thinking by the Colonial Leader, who almost without thinking, and with no regard to his own life, quickly ran to the central comunications and library,  rescuing our most beloved treasure...."knowledge"... "We could survive without shelter, but not without knowledge, we can rebuild walls, but not wisdom".

... The colony quickly worked together, assuring the most important things be taken to higher ground,  human-made canals assured the water would run the best course out of the territorial limits.

... Since even in times of great disaster Nerdonians have bowed to continue they're economic activities, a quick shelter was created in the highest grounds of the colony, the communication antena and server was quickly re-instaled, and the foreign aid was quick to act, this causing a small rise in the national debt, but nesesary non the less... this resulted in the colony being without water for most of the week, but also giving birth to the "we don't shower, cause we don't go out anyways" celebration held on that same evening...

...On the next day, the lord of the colony was to meet with the remaining nerd council in the surroundings of what was once the Capital of Nerdonia "Cooltropolis"... lost in an invasion, but with a small resistance living by....but that my friends...is a story for another time....

Translation: my damn water heater broke while i was asleep,  my house got flooded, and the first thing I did was run to check on my macbook and comic books...*snort

jueves, 1 de abril de 2010

...on lessons learned

...many years later, while screamin' in pain, sittin' in the staircase, our main character remembered  his mother's words from many, many, many years ago...*

..."you better pick up your toys, or one day you'll trip on one and hurt yourself"

*and if you must know it was a Batman "Action Figure", with pointy ears , I wasn't wearing shoes, and it was dark...

lunes, 8 de marzo de 2010

...on thundercats and reason...

...Senior McKino:

So, you remember the thundercats right ?

...Tony "The Chorizo Bandit" Escalante:

Sure, who doesn't ?... Why ?

...Senior McKino:

...So, each one was named after the species of cat it's supposed to be... Panthro=Panther, Tigra=Tiger, Cheetara=Cheeta.... very original...but...

...Tony "The Chorizo Bandit" Escalante:

aja ?

...Senior McKino:

..what about ALL the other guy who where supposed to be panthers... or tigers...

...Tony "The Chorizo Bandit" Escalante:

...last name ?

...Senior McKino:

...noup, they never mentioned last names on the show...

...Tony "The Chorizo Bandit" Escalante:

...Panthro I, Panthro II, Panthro III ?

...Senior McKino:

...Not convinced...I mean, it's a whole planet... full of cats...

...Tony "The Chorizo Bandit" Escalante:

...Well, there was "Bengali"...he WAS another tiger...

...Senior McKino:

...yeah, but Tigra was gool old fashioned African Tiger, Bengali was one of those albino..."Bengal Tiger"...that's a copout...

...Senior McKino:

...I think Jaga was the only one with a regular name....*googles... oh wait...he was a Jaguar...

...Tony "The Chorizo Bandit" Escalante:

...Maybe you should send them a detailed letter with this info...you know, for consideration in any future projects...

...Senior McKino:

...Screw you Tony, i'm sure i'm gonna use this conversation as a pick-up line someday...*

...According to the internets, Lion-o's Father name was "Claudis", so you'd think this kinda screws up all this "named-according-to-species" thing...but then again...."Claudis the cat"... sounds like a good old fashioned cat name right ?... "Claudis, who's a good kitty ??"...this leaves the possibility of future thundercats called "Mittens...the mighty"....or "Furball...the great"...

lunes, 22 de febrero de 2010

jueves, 28 de enero de 2010

...on keepin' in authentic....and star wars...

...a true nerd knows Vader never actually said:  "Luke, I am your father"...*

*they also have no girlfriends, but thats another post...

domingo, 17 de enero de 2010

...on socks and science

...Apparently, the powers that be failed to pass along important information to men in general, you see,  couple of weeks ago while having drinks at a bar "girl A", mentioned how one of her biggest turn-off's in guys is white socks (yes fellow male readers i was baffled too!), and i quote "I could be makin' out with Brat Pitt and if he takes off his shoes and is wearing white socks with dress shoes...complete turn off, it ruins the mood", me and my fellow male comrades where in shock, "what a peculiar turn-off this girl has"...but, no, girl B, girl C, girl D... and i think even that weird lookin' guy in the corner agreed...

...Baffled, i continued my research, in this day and age, you would think it be enough for guys to have CLEAN socks, but no, when asked about this...women aren't opened to compromise in this particular matter, "better dirty black socks, than clean white ones"...

Two weeks later:

Lerms: so, found some black socks yet ?

Sr. Maquino: No, not really...im going with "I CHOOSE to be single, therefore wearing white socks, automatically neutralizes my charming personality and rugged good looks"...it's like science.*

Lerms: Good one.

*Just for the record i do actually own a pair of black socks, they're stappled to my only suit so i don't forget to wear them with it.

lunes, 11 de enero de 2010

...on resolutions

...this year...

...I'm gonna stop trying to be liked be everyone, say what's on my mind, and just be myself...*

*yup, you guessed it, sarcasm, if it ain't broke why fix it ?...oh, and i'm not gonna cut my hair