domingo, 13 de diciembre de 2009

...on grooming

...more than 3 haircuts a year, is just plain vanity...

(and shaving more than once a week)

domingo, 15 de noviembre de 2009

...on childhood

Aprendí a leer con libritos de Garfield, y este es el primer chiste que recuerdo haber leido...(click on it for a better view)

...creo que eso explica mucho.*

*información importante para cuando escriban mi biografía/historial psiquiátrico

lunes, 19 de octubre de 2009

...on Music

" can tell a lot about a man's personality by looking at the top artists on his iPod"
- Sigmund Freud 

...on teaching

"... creo que ni YO sacaría una calificación decente en tu clase..."
- Carlos "Lerms" Lerma

Es como el mejor cumplido que he recibido como maestro, si conocen al Lerms, saben que es demasiado engranado en su metodología, investigación, detalle de ilustración, etc.

Funniest things said by students:
* "If I flunk this class, i won't get anything for Christmas" - (Insert the song "You're a mean one Mr. Grinch" while my face smiles sarcastically.)

* "I was really sick, hospitalized...could't finish the proyect" (Insert pictures from local newspaper, events section, from this students birthday party, that same weekend)

* "Radiohead they're a band from the 80's aren't they??" (not so much to do with the class, but it still hurts).

domingo, 18 de octubre de 2009

...on enjoying the little things in life

... So im driving home from lunch, when this skater kid falls of his skateboard right in front of me,  friends pointing and laughing, adding insult to injury i can see the kid's face of horror as i run over his skateboard with my car...

..thanks God, it's those little things i enjoy the most...

*and this other time i was parking my car at a friends yard, and it was dark and i could only hear the poppin' sound of a soccer ball some kids had accidentally kicked into the yard, but could't find anyone home so they could go in and get it...

viernes, 16 de octubre de 2009

...on ironic gods

...bad, horrible night, insomnia, stomach ache, crappy infomercials (i have no cable) and i had to wake up early to be at my class at 7am, anyways so i finally go to sleep, maybe at about 3am, phone rings at bout 5 in the morning, wrong number of course, have to get up around 6, of course i overslept which of course ment i jumped out of bed, and surprise water (cleans face with bottled water and  uses AXE deodorant) time for morning coffe...

...gets in the car, turns on the radio, and what song comes up... "walking on sunshine" by Katrina and the waves...

...I love God's ironic sense of humor, it's his attention to detail I enjoy the most...*

*i have to admit, that on days like these, i feel very humbled and special to know that God takes time out of his busy running-of-the-universe schedule to have a good laugh at my expense...

jueves, 15 de octubre de 2009

...on Housecleaning

..."mmm... why bother with a broom and a mop, when you can just get a water hose and power clean the kitchen floor?? seriously, why hasn't anyone done this before ?!"

(hilarity ensues...)

*insert openin' credits and theme music...'s special sit-com moment is brought to you by Johny Walker, last nights sponsor, keep on walking.

martes, 6 de octubre de 2009

...on life in general

Inner monologue:

...So how would i describe my life right now ?
...It's kind of like that "The Big Bang Theory" Show... without the hot blonde...*

..or the high IQ's and steady jobs...

jueves, 1 de octubre de 2009

...on Chick-flicks*

Overheard while havin' a smoke in the front yard:

Two kids playin' in the house across the street, a boy and a girl probably around 8 years old,  the girl lives there and the kid's parents where aparently visitin so they where outside, she was playin with a flower and he was playing with a football:

Little girl: "he loves me, he loves me not...he loves me....HAAAA!!! YOU LOVE ME, SEE ??!! YOU LOVE ME, YAAAAAYYY !!! (starts runnin' to the kid)...

Boy: "NOOOO !!!  I  DON'T...GET AWAY!!! MOOOOMMM, NOOOO!!! I DON'T!!! NOOOO" (gets in the car)

bout 10 minutes later i heard the car drivin' away and the girl cryin....

Possible scenario 1: This was the beginnin of a chick flick, where the main character is the chick, probably Jennifer Aniston or Drew Barrymore (suggestions accepted) , and while all this is going on you can almost hear the voiceover going "since i was a little girl...i was always looking for..." (and grows up to one of those chicks who always gets dumped or cheated on).

Possible scenario 2: The main character is the kid (played by Matthew Mcconnahey or Robert Downey) , voice over on how this always happened to him, serial womanizer, never into a serious relationship, until he runs into the chick who will teach him a lesson.

Possible scenario 3: When i start imagining things on the street as a movie opener, it means i have to get out more, i'm gonna go watch "The Dark Knight" DVD....good thing i live in a sit-com...

*This post is dedicated to the ladies on my blog roll, cause i know any one of them would walk to the little girl...slap her with a rolled up newspaper and go "NO!!! GET OVER IT, NOW!!! DON'T BEG, NEVER BEG"... and then smack the kid with his football and say "DON'T BE A JERK!!!"

sábado, 26 de septiembre de 2009

Last wishes and final arrangements:

When i die, i want my corpse to be thrown out of an airplane in a Superman costume...*

*preferably over a large populated are, near a school zone...

jueves, 10 de septiembre de 2009

...on Freelancin' (part 2)

...yup, freelancin' sometimes feels like walking blind head-first into traffic not knowing if you're gonna get messed up...

...but then somedays (those of you with vivid imaginations please stop reading now), somedays, being able to work late night in boxers, with a cold beer, and singin' along to "The Monster Mash" by Dr. Demento on the stereo...half drunk after spending the afternoon in a clients vineyard eating fish tacos.... priceless...

...would't trade this for the world...

(singin':  auuuuuuuuu wauuuuuu ... wauuuuuu)

...On Freelancin'

...working freelance... yup ... this is how it feel like sometimes...

sábado, 5 de septiembre de 2009

Drawing the is proud

Fan Art, for the book "I, Lucifer" by Glenn Duncan, the basic plot is Lucifer is given a last chance at redemtion from God, but first he has to live like an honest human being for a month... hilarity ensues... I read somewhere that they wanted to make a movie about it with Ewan McGregor...  

This piece is also for a movie poster themed exposition. I'ts done about once a year, and i usually try to make a poster about a movie i would like to see about a book... 

Pieza inspirada en el libro "I, Lucifer" (Yo, Lucifer), por Glen Duncan, la trama es basicamente que Dios le da a Lucifer una última oportunidad de regresar al cielo, pero primero tiene que vivir como buen ser humano por un mes.... situaciones comicas surgen... Y habia leido que querian hacer un película con Ewan McGregor...  

Tambien es una pieza para una expo en Rosarito, Baja California con el tema de posters de película...esta expo se hace como una vez al año, y casi siempre trato de hacer un poster una película que me gustaria ver basada en algun libro...

info de la expo/festival de cine:

jueves, 27 de agosto de 2009

...My day job...advertisin'

Kaunaz Communication, Branding and Strategic Marketing,  another designer, a marketing guy and myself started working on this project a couple of months ago, and is just starting to lift off, first it was just graphic design work and some web design, now we're workin' on some mobile stuff, advertising...and i try to slip some illustration in there once in a while...

Kaunaz Comunicación, agencia de publicidad, este proyecto comenzó hace unos meses, entre otro diseñador, un publicista y yo, y apenas esta empezando a moverse mas, comenzamos con casi puro trabajo de diseño gráfico y algo de web, ahora también estamos trabajando algunas cosas móbiles y publicidad.... y trato de meter algo de ilustración por ahi de vez en cuando...

check it our... I'm part owner of this stuff !!!

miércoles, 29 de julio de 2009

...Here be nerds, you have been warned...

Reportaje/documental del Comic-Con 2009, por Lerma... enjoy

miércoles, 22 de julio de 2009

...checkin out...and gone!!!

...Dear clients, friends, business asociates and lovers:
I shall will be missin' from july 22 thru the 27 (gone to the comic con), pending work, updates, feel free to e-mail or txt msg, oh, and if your at the con, i recommend you take swing by the Image Comics booth on saturday at 6pm, a good friend and colleague "Lerms" will be present...
see you all on Monday

...Queridos clientes, amigos, socios de trabajo y amantes:
Estare fuera los dias 22 al 27 de julio, me fui al comic con, si hay algun pendiente favor de mandarlo por medio de e-mail o text msg.... si andan por ahi, los invito a darse una vuelta a la mesa de Image comics el sábado a las 6pm, nuestro buen amigo y colega "Lerms" va estar de invitado
nos vemos el lunes

martes, 21 de julio de 2009

I updated the galleries at my "official" website, have a look...
Actualize y agregué algunas cosas nuevas  a las galerias en la página "oficial", date una vuelta...

lunes, 6 de julio de 2009

..Dear Sr. Maquino...

Sr. Maquino will now answer my loyal readers questions:

This one is from Groupie Chinito, Sr. Maquino's most loyal reader:

Dear Sr. Maquino:

a) Do you think we are the only crapy civilization out there in the Universe? and more important, is there a civilization with real superheroes with superpowers?

...The clearest evidence that there IS intelligent life out there, is that no one has tried to contact us...

b) On religion....Is God a man or a woman?

...In MY experience.... a very mean girl...

c) On life...will your all mighty wisdom make us all better human beings (at least your 4 faithfull readers)?

...have you NOT read my past blogs ?...Ok, maybe not BETTER per say, but i'll post some cooking recipes at least you'll have some cookies...

d) On romance...what are the chances that one of us end with a girl as hot as Megan Fox (well, let´s say, a girl with 25% of Megan Fox´s hottness)?

... hotness is not a physical thing, you should try looking beyond the looks and search for a soul-mate, someone that shares your hopes and dreams an.... errr... who am i kidding ?...  slim to non...

Then we got the smartasses:

Dear Sr. Maquino:

You've all of the sudden gotten all emo and decided to jump off a building...then suddenlly your favorite superhero arrives and saves your life, you reflect on the situacion and are grateful your life was saved, but times are hard and the world crisis affects us all. Your hero is charging hard cash for the ain't cheap either... and you forgot your wallet, they where in your other suicide pants. My question is: What's your initial reaction?

Bonus points if you say how much you pay...

Chacho of San Ysidro

...First of all, I am deeply shocked that one of my readers would use the term "emo" to describe a suicidal state of mind, I am a firm believer the term "emo" has been deeply distorted and is now used in what i like to call "wussy-pop-punk" or "punk maricon", i urge my readers to look up good "emotional hardcore" bands like Fugazi, Minor Threat and maybe some Sunny Day Real Estate... inicial reaction ?.. I jizzed in my pants...and these "bonus points"...what are they good for ?


Dear Sr. Maquino:

is it true what they say, that they say the truth when they're drunk ? i need to know like... now.

Crazy Teflon Brains

... who are these "they" which you speak of ? who are there sources ? how drunk are we talking about here ?...but the tone of your comment, i'll go out on a limb and guess you are talking about guys in general, well.... yes, they say the truth, but what you have to take into consideration is it depends on the situation, it can be the truth at the moment...and like 5 minutes later, they changed their's like a defense mechanism "yeah baby, of course i love you" (yup, they do at that exact second), "i swear im not with anyone else" ('cause they're with you, the other chick is probably waitin' in the car or somethin), it's basically semanthics...

with love, 

Senior Maquino

jueves, 18 de junio de 2009

Music Corner - Summer edition

Damn you high fidelity and your lists !!!* 5 songs that remind me summer is here, in no particular order (click on the title for a link to the video):

with that happy guitar riff, endeless summer days talkin' bout music at the "home studio", and the video always made us go get icicles and ice cream.

Reminds me of 'chillin out at the beach after surfin'... most of the time,  my friends surfed and i chilled out. need to explain...

Perfect first song on a sountrack for a road trip

I hope in 30 years i can kick back some brews with this on the stereo...

*What are yours ?

lunes, 15 de junio de 2009

...It never gets old a.k.a. updates on old co-stars...

Background story, my oldest friend (or could call him my former co-star in the low budget sitcom that is my life) moved to australia to pursue an art career a couple of years ago (or you could say he left the series to persue an acting career in hollywood, and is mentioned once in a while in the form of conversations and inside jokes for loyal viewers). So he'd been out of contact for a whiel, and recentlly we where able to get in touch, internets, what a concept !!!

oh, he is known as "the hippie"... more stories soon...


*obligatory greetins and stuff....

The Hippie: Well, i finally got my permanent citizenship, i'm working on a post-graduate degree on digital images, and start working on a short film in a couple of months.... *more stuff on his progressive rock band....*more stuff about his job at the sydney museum of contemporary art.... how bout you ?

Sr. Maquino:....Well....i.... let's see....well... in december.....did I tell you i intoxicated myself by eating  half a box of twinkies ??


Sr. Maquino:...i cannot tell a lie...*

*I live in a very small town so i have too come up with creative ways of passin' time between work hours and sleeping, which i must say are very few...

jueves, 11 de junio de 2009

...The happiest place on Earth...

...Ok, so when i was like 2 years old, my parents took me to Disneyland, and during the parade, one of those trees from "Babes in Toyland" came by me, and scared the shit outta me.... literally, i crapped my pants...*

*true story...just felt i had to put that out in the open so i could get over it...

jueves, 4 de junio de 2009

... Best gift ever...!!!

My birthday is July 23th....

...just throwing it out there... reason...

...but man those slippers are genious...

lunes, 25 de mayo de 2009


Sr. Maquino: Wow !! you mean so many talented people in the same art show, and you could actually meet and talk to them ?!

Lerms: Yup, you might also get to see them in embarrassing situations as a result of the irresponsible ingest of alcoholic beverages ....

Saturday May 30, Tijuana, more info at:

lunes, 11 de mayo de 2009

on Star Trek...

Its comforting to know that in 500 years, mini skirts and go-go boots on girls will still be fashionable...*

*and people will still listen to the beastie boys on a nokia cell...

martes, 5 de mayo de 2009

Lambert, The sheepish lion...

So, does anybody remember that old "Lambert,the sheepish lion" cartoon...?

about this lion cup, who gets accidentally delivered by the stork to a lamb instead of a lion, and grows up all cowardly ...


Senior Maquino: I never realized, what do you think happened to the actual lamb that was supposed to be delivered ?

Lerms: what do you mean ?

Sr. M: i mean, if they messed up the order and a lion was delivered here, did a baby lamb get delivered to a pack of lions ??



domingo, 26 de abril de 2009

New the official blog

New stuff, ok, one new post at the "official" blog...(yes, there is a "serious one")

jueves, 23 de abril de 2009

Dear Senior Maquino...

Dear 4 faithfull readers:

Questions about freelance graphic design, art, life, philosophy, religion, romance or just plain old useless crap, and/or are you just lonely ?

Senior Maquino will now be answering your questions in a special "Ask Senior Maquino" column, send your questions to with the subject "ask Sr. Maquino" (or just leave it in the comment thingie) , the best ones will be featured on a post, and you'll win instant world recognition.*

Deadline May 1st. 2009

...yes, my generosity knows no limits...
nor does my boredom and procrastination.

*please specify the name you would like yourself to be published as...

viernes, 10 de abril de 2009

A very special editon of MTV Cribs...

Today, on a very special "nerd edition" of mtv fortress...
there's actually two different stories that serve as a background for posting this...

Story 1:
(at Sr. Maquino's Mom's house... family lunch)
Mrs. M: Son, dont you think you should start looking for a nice girl, start doing the normal stuff ?
Senior Maquino: And give up all this ?!

Story 2:
(A friend of mine came over, and i met his new girlfriend)
Girl: Wow !, Do you have little kids or something ?
Sr. M: eh, no...
Girl: Then who's are all these toys ?
Sr. M: Actually they're all mine...
Girl: Oh, how that movie "the 40 year old virgin"
Sr. M: ...


lunes, 6 de abril de 2009

top 10 babes...que no existen...

Garth: "Wayne, did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny ?"
Wayne: "No"
Garth: Me neither...

So, here it is..."Smooth Tony" comenzo su lista, y Ben le siguió la cura, asi que apoyando el siguiente nerd countdown, ahi van mis top 10 morras que no existen... btw...

10. Hello Nurse,  if she's good enough for the warner bros. , aparte creen que el Dr. Scrach N' Sniff la contrato por sus buenas calificiones en med school ?
9. She-Ra, saving the world in stripper heels and a miniskirt...
8. That cute little esurance babe, common, imaginense una morra asi de neta... punk rockish hair, siempre sonriendo y te puede conseguir buen precio en tus seguros de carro.
7. Death....the ultimate goth babe
6. Scarlett vs. The Baroness....quien ganaría ?,, eh... ok, con una te casas y a la otra le pones departamento.... cual ? que lo resuelvan ellas.
5. Tifa Lockhart.... aunque no lo crean, no es por las obvias razones....(common, its a cartoon) play the game, desarrollo del personaje *sigh
4. Jessica Rabbit : ba ba ba booomm!!!
3. Oracle, Barbara Gordon...ok, ok...nergazm...antes era batgirl, luego el joker la dejo en silla de ruedas, ahora dirige todo, es como the ultimate hot chick nerd, ah, y hangs out con batman, nightwing y robin... 

2. Black Cannary, es como si Blondie se hiciera superhero...
1. Tinkerbell... oh, yeah

*Por razones legales, (de por si poniendo esta lista no me va a ayudar ....yes ladies, he's a keeper) no puse a dos personajes "Kim possible" porque nunca establecieron exactamente cuantos años se supone que a Gadget de Rescue Rangers (animal rights would be all over me).

lunes, 30 de marzo de 2009

Too much work...and no play, make Sr. Maquino ...something, something...

"Can you catch a falling star without burning your hand? Can you put the sky in your mouth? Can you say to an earthquake...'Hey hold still for a second'? No! Such is Mango!"

SNAP !!!...that's the sound my brain just made, after bout 36 hours of working straight

domingo, 29 de marzo de 2009

Part 2 (of the "Bloggin pressure post")

Background: Anika, is an aspiring writer, profesional blogger, and daily booth addict, she usually writtes some pretty good stuff and a recurrin' theme is heartbreak, you might think she's bitter about love and stuff, so, she gets a lot of "advice" from guys who don't take her blog for what it is... its not a confessional its just .. writting.

this part of the conversation takes places AFTER a long rant about these guys...

.anika. says:
there advice is soooo stupid sometimes, "you should find someone else", or "hey, let's talk about it over coffe", like THAT had never occured to me...EVER... sheesh, it's a blog...

..Sr. Maquino says:
yes, as posted in an older entry to this blog...we are... THAT dumb

.anika. says:

.anika. says:
but why?

..Sr. Maquinosays:
we can't help it...

..Sr. Maquino says:
its basic wiring*

.anika. says:
that sucks...

..Sr. Maquino says:
i know...

..Sr. Maquino says:
imagine how I feel, I have to LIVE like this..

.anika. says: (4:18:50 PM)

* oh, and if we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing', we will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

miércoles, 18 de marzo de 2009

Social skills*

.anika. says:
i fail at life

...roberto gutiERREZ... says:
yup...i noticed

*i lack them

viernes, 13 de marzo de 2009

on watchmen's and masks...

parte de una conversación de facebook sobre una foto*

Girl (protegeremos su identidad):
humm ya que están todos aquí... por qué la máscara de Rorschach cambia con simetría... no lo entiendo.

roberto gutiERREZ:
...ejem...*agarra aire, la máscara la obtuvo mientras trabajaba de obrero en una maquila de textiles, la máscara es un pedazo de un vestido que nunca recogieron, hecho de material nuevo, hecho con "fluidos viscosos entre dos capas de latex, sensibles a la presión o tacto y a la temperatura... tomando en cuenta esto, te imaginarias que la parte de la cara que mas se mueve es la boca al hablar, y la nariz al estar constantemente respirando... y siendo que la cara es casi simetrica a excepto de "imperfecciones"...las manchas se moverian en mas o menos la misma direccion...simetricas...
otra respuesa puede ser: "why does the sun come up every day? why is there love in the world? can you touch a rainbow ? can you put happiness in your pocket ?...such is rorschach's mask

lo de Rorschac, pues el Doc hace cosas bien chingonas en su tiempo libre diseña patrones de tela que desafian la logica nomas pa chingar

roberto gutiERREZ:
ha, si ... gracias dude, me falto esa parte de que el material es un "spinoff fabric de dr. manhattan" 
*high fives

*high fives

si, sólo como que lo de la simetría me molestaba... pero pues al final es un comic. y tiene más o menos lógica lo de Roberto... pero cool, gracias.

other dude:
OMGWTF ???!!!

Todos en coro: "And THAT my friends, is why i'm single"

*texto editado por razones de ritmo de lectura y efecto dramático.

jueves, 12 de marzo de 2009

Rant !

*the best i can do i use this retro type, or "helvetica ultra light"

miércoles, 11 de marzo de 2009

Bloggin' pressure...

Yaya says: (2:56:23 PM) se...quiero que escribas...hhmmm

Yaya says: (2:56:57 PM)
no se...yo no puedo desviarme de mi lame relationship internal debate...

Yaya says: (2:59:04 PM)
deberias de hacer tu version masculina y revelar los secretos de los batos! yei!

...roberto gutiERREZ says: (2:59:54 PM)
wanna know the secret ?

Yaya says: (2:59:58 PM)

...roberto gutiERREZ says: (3:00:08 PM)
...there's no secret...we are THAT dumb

Madmoiselle Yaya says: (3:00:12 PM)

*Oh, and when we have to sleep on the couch, it's not really a punishment, we really don't mind's like camping.

domingo, 1 de marzo de 2009

Reality Bites...

Doctor: "Well, your cholesterlos and sugar level is high, you needs to lose some weight and eat healthier..."

Sr. Maquino: "CHOLESTEROL?!...but i'm only...wait a sec....1980... minus... and 25, 26... SHIT i'm pushing 30!"

Dr: "Yup...less twinkies, an more oatmeal for breakfeast"

Sr. M: "but i love twinkies..."

Dr: "Diabetes means....NO TWINKIES....EVER (meaning as in to prevent this)"

Sr. M: "Fiddle sticks....It's like tryin' to take away a vodka bottle from Nicholas Cage in "Leaving las Vegas"*

*Dear Twinkies, its not you, it's me...

miércoles, 25 de febrero de 2009

Motivational Post...

"If you find that you still lack confidence, try this exercise. Stand in front of a mirror with the lights turned off. Stare at your ghostly visage and say with confidence, "I'm bad. I'm really, really bad."   - From "How to be a villain" chronicle books.

lunes, 23 de febrero de 2009

Top 10 heroes...

Jumpin' on the bandwagon ... (the next blog list entry gauntlet was thrown by ben), and looking for an excuse to stall working, here's a list of my top 10 fictional heroes...
I recommend listening to some epic metal tunes while readin' , perhaps some dream theater...or some classical john williams...

10. Rick Blaine (From Casablanca)
Yvonne: Where were you last night?
Rick: That's so long ago, I don't remember.
Yvonne: Will I see you tonight?
Rick: I never make plans that far ahead.
- smoothness, new role model...I has it

9. Naota Nandaba
From Fooley Cooley, Anime, 'cause all guys have a Mamimi and a Haruko in our lives.

8. Piccolo
From baddest MoFo villain, to one of the best allies the good guys could have, without loosin' that edge.

7. Guy Montag
From Ray Bradbury's "Farenheit 451" a sci-fi novel, in a future were books are ilegal, because reading leads to thinking, and thinking leads to unhapiness, this guy's metamorphosis is illustrated throughout the book and who presents the dystopia through the eyes of a loyal worker to it, a man in conflict about it, and one resolved to be free of it.

6. Cloud Stryfe (Final Fantasy VII)
From loner mercenary , to breaking free from his past, to becoming a hero and getting the chick. all the elements from a hero's journey

5.The Crow
This antihero, was born from personal tragedy, joy division and Edgar Allan Poe
"It is not death if you refuse it" - Eric Draven
Determination, this guy had it

4. Edward Bloom
"I've been nothin' but myself since the day I was born, and if you can't see that it's your failin', not mine. " the first time you see how the story of his life actually ends....damn. he set the whole thing up. 

3. Darth Vader
From baddest MoFo in the galaxy, to saving the universe in the ultimate sacrifice, there's nothing the audience enjoys more than

2. Batman
In Grant Morrison's first storyline in JLA, Superman describes Batman as "the most dangerous man on Earth," able to defeat a team of super powered aliens all by himself in order to rescue his imprisoned teammates.

1. Superman
"It is a remarkable dichtonomy. In many ways, Clark is the most human of us all superheroes, then... he shoots fire from the skies and it is difficult not to think of him as a God. And how fortunate we are that it does not occur to him" - Batman

"I love God, he's so deliciously evil" - Stewie Griffin (Family Guy)

Gather 'round kids, uncle Bob's story time...

Alrededor de 1985, su humilde narrador tenia 5 años, y se encontraba cursando el 2do. año de jardín de niños, en el glorioso "Colegio México", una escuela privada manegada por "Monjitas", los archivos de la escuela indican que sabía contar hasta el 73, sabía como se llamaban mis papás, mi dirección, pero no sabia amarrame los zapatos.

Un buen dia, llego la directora del jardín de niños..."La Señorita Ina", una mujer que en ese entonces facilmente tenia mas de 50 primaveras cumplidas, que nunca se habia casado, habia dedicado su vida a Dios Nuestro Señor, pero no era monja. Ella pasaba de vez en cuando a contarnos historias "divertidas" y con moralejas....como la del niño que no trataba muy bien a su pierna y un dia se despertó y su pierna se habia ido...pero, la que en realidad me causo un buen trauma, considerando que A) tenía 5 años y B) siempre he gozado/sufrido de imaginación hiperactiva, fue la siguiente (que alomejor no es exactamente como sucedió pero si es como me acuerdo):

Contaba la historia de un orferinato/orfanatorio* (checar con el copy) que vivian varios niños en mismos cuartos, estos cuartos estaban acomodados de tal manera que eran tipo pasillos, con las camas o mas bien catres acomodados a los lados, (yo me lo imaginaba como esas peliculas de manicomios con catres, sabanas blancas y el techo en triangulo, como si fuera el attico de una iglesia). Todos los días los niños tenian que ir a dormir a la misma hora y se apagaban todas las luces...

Una noche uno de los niños, despertó a medianoche y se dió cuenta que habia algo en el cuarto junto con ellos (insertar chistes de sacerdotes pederastas....ahora, esperar a que se te pase la risa nerviosa...darte cuenta que esta mal reirte de esos chistes y continuar....) habia una especie de demonio haciendo recorrido por el cuarto... no tenia forma ni color definido, era como una color era como cuando se va el cable en la televisió... ruido blanco o distorción... el niño salio corriendo y le fue a tocar la puerta al sacerdote que cuidaba al orferinato... el sacerdote escucho lo que le decia el niño y tranquilamente lo llevo al cuarto...llegando ahi, el niño le apunto al demonio, mientras este brincaba de cama en cama, brincando sobre los niños, algunos lloraban, algunos gritaban, pero ninguno se despertaba... esto lo hacia repetidas veces... (me lo imaginaba recorriendo de cama en cama, la 1, 2, 3, 4, etc...y luego volvia a empezar), pero se brincaba algunas era en todas.

El sacerdote le dijo "No te preocupes, lo que estas viendo es un demonio de pesadillas, lo manda el Diablo para que a los niños que no se persinan antes de dormir, les de pesadillas, es su castigo... las camas que les saca la vuelta, son de los niños que se acordaron de persinarse y decir sus oraciones antes de tu te persinas y portas bien, el demonio no te puede hacer nada"....y asi nomas, se fue a dormir...dijo que el no podia hacer nada para evitarlo....el niño se persino y se durmió, obviamente sabiendo que el demonio seguia en el cuarto y en lo que se quedaba dormido, solo le queda ver como sus compañeros lloraban o hablaban solos.

The End

Tengo 28 años, y no puedo dormir sin persinarme...
todavia me acuerdo de como me imagine ese demonio...

Who needs therapy ?

P.S...."Coincidence is bull" esta historia se la conte a mi mamá hace como 2 años y me djio "Bueno, pues antes te daban miedo todas esas cosas, ahora las no fueran por esos traumas alomejor serias contador o algo asi"